Relationships- who'd have them!

Despite the title, this is not a marital spat made public. We've had plenty over the years, but still seem to end up loving each other at the end of it!
I am feeling a bit exasperated by people who live in their own bubble and do not realise the impact of their words and actions on others.
Am I going to be more specific?
No.

So where does that leave this post?
I am going to tell myself what I believe about handling difficult relationships, in order to regain some sense of equilibrium.

Okay! Pull yourself together!

• If people are difficult, it is much more likely to be because of how they feel inside than what they think about you.
• If they are grumpy, it's probably because of something going on in their lives that you will never know about.
• "Never make an enemy by accident." I heard that in a TV programme recently- probably Downton Abbey- and it makes good sense.
• Never put down the person, even if you have to criticise their behaviour.
• "Sticks and stones may break my bones........." but words can inflict wounds that may never heal, so be careful what you say.
• Never say behind someone's back what you would not want repeated to their face.
• People listen to the advice of a friend more easily than the words of a critic.
• Listen more, think deeply and say little.
• A bad memory is a useful tool when it comes to leaving hurt feelings behind.
• People are different on different days, so give them the benefit of the doubt.
• Never argue after 10 o'clock at night- tiredness makes grumpy wretches of us all!
• Be the first to apologise.
• Don't feel that you have to be right all the time. You aren't.

That's it. The distilled wisdom of 52 years. If only it was as easy to follow as it is to write!
Ho hum!

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies....

I was in the car for about 15 hours over the last few days, so listened to a range of CDs, including some Christian worship albums, a CD by a Scottish accordion player called Gary Innes*, the second/last Daniel Bedingfield album and a compilation of great rock ballads, which are good for driving to.
I was listening to the rock ballads, when a song by Fleetwood Mac came on with the words "Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies". That got me thinking about how familiar and popular songs can really affect and warp our idea of what relationships are really like.
This song suggests that the singer would rather be told "I love you" even if it's a lie, than hear the truth. What a poor basis for a relationship.
One thing that I have learnt is that lies are always destructive. When you discover that someone you trust has lied to you, it makes you question what they say in future. You find yourself thinking, "Is that really what happened, or is he/she just saying that?" Trust can be rebuilt, but it takes a lot longer to rebuild than it did to destroy it in the first place.
Honesty isn't always easy either. What do you say when your partner buys an abysmal shirt, or gets a shocking new hair style?
What do you say when your relationship has been going through a bad patch and you are not sure if you still love your partner any more?
Blunt honesty can be cruel, but in the end lies are crueller, as they add the hurt of being deceived over a long period to the hurt of the truth that was being concealed in the first place.
As usual, God has an answer in the verses often read at weddings. "Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthinans 13 verse 6


* Gary and his band are really worth listening too- http://uk.myspace.com/garyinnes